Yummy Butternut Squash Recipes

Butternut Squash Chili

So, this post will not so much be "from the heart".....but more "from the belly." As many know, I love to read about health-related topics. :-) I have been an on-again/off-again vegetarian since High School....and even the times I would have meat would be very infrequently. I really do not like meat, and I think about the animals. Now I think about the even greater global and environmental issues regarding factory farming and animals (in addition to the cruel treatment of them in these environments). So, I have been meat-free again for over a year. But anyway, I love to read about vegetarian and vegan recipes (and making sure I get enough vitamins and protein). I have been a vegan a few times during my life....but it doesn't usually last too long (maybe one of these days I will be one full time - ha). The recipe above is a very good recipe. I found it on a vegan blog. The link is as follows: http://blog.fatfreevegan.com/2007/09/gold-rush-chili.html The only changes I made were I used garlic powder, roasted red chili peppers (instead of the pepper), and regular oregano (a little extra chili powder). I have made it 3 times over the past 3 weeks. It is super yummy, super healthy, and pretty low-calorie.

Another excellent Couscous and Butternut Squash recipe I used for Thanksgiving was: http://www.realsimple.com/food-recipes/browse-all-recipes/butternut-squash-cumin-couscous-10000001548736/ A "not so pretty" picture of this is below:

I did not add the raisins to this recipe....as I do not like raisins in food items. But it was soooo yummy!!! I really wanted a protein-rich food since I was coming from running my 4-miler race Thanksgiving Day morning....this met my needs!!! :-)

Hopefully you can enjoy these yummy, healthy, protein and fiber-packed foods!!!!

Anxiety.......the UGLY word.....

I wouldn't say that I struggled with anxiety as a kid. Sure, I would worry about things......things usually out of my control, but I would not say I felt anxious often. However, all of that changed after my my stepdad - John's suicide in August of 2004. I don't necessarily think that the suicide was the only reason I started to struggle with anxiety. I had just finished graduate school, moved across the country (to Seattle, WA), and also just started a new job. I did not know anyone in my new "home," which for me is a bit hard. I love, love, love to meet new people, but missed being with my close friends and family, those I had connections with. Yes, of course, there is the lovely invention called the cell phone.....but it just isn't quite the same for me. Then about three weeks into Res Life training for the RDs (for those that don't know.......you have staff development/training every year in Res Life and it can last anywhere from 3-6 weeks). But anyway, about three weeks into training I received the news that John had completed suicide. I will never ever forget Matt telling me. Ironically, the entire staff was having a meeting in my apartment, and I heard the phone ring and Matt answered it. When he told me I completely collapsed and just didn't even know how to react or begin to process. However, dealing with his suicide and all that I have learned would be more appropriate for another blog. But anyway, after returning from the funeral and spending time with my sisters (including his daughter Heather), I had to jump right back into training. I met my new staff of 12 RAs that I would be supervising.....and everything "seemed" to be going pretty well. That was until I had my first panic/anxiety attack. I didn't even know what it was. Honestly, I thought I was having a heart attack. But thankfully I worked on staff with some licensed Counselors and they let me know that I was not dying.....it was a panic attack. :-) But anyway, ever since then I have struggled with anxiety. Thankfully, I rarely have attacks, but do suffer from unexplained times of high anxiousness and chest pains. Often it comes on for no reason, or other times it may come on because of something that has happened. For those that know me, they know that I am pretty "natural" and do not like to take medicine or put certain unnatural things in my body. But I must say, Xanex is a wonderful gift. It at least can lessen the physical symptoms that can come about because of anxiety. I say all of this......just in case there is someone out there reading my blog (highly unlikely :-)), that does suffer from anxiety.

I really wish there was a way that I could figure out how to naturally eliminate my anxiety, because like I said, there isn't always a "reason" why it comes about. I have tried it all....faith, prayer, yoga, medicine, exercise....but for some reason I just feel that it will be something I always struggle with - which I do not like. I am thankful that it doesn't disrupt my daily life.....I can continue on and "act" normal in the midst of high-anxiety times. It is possible I may be "short" with someone like Matt....but other than that I can continue on as normal (but internally may not feel normal).

Sometimes I wonder if it is because so much has happened in my life over the past 5 years....but then again, what has taken place in my life is nothing like what happens to others. My "hardships" are nothing compared to what some endure in places like third world countries or abusive families. But at the same time, I often say to others that what you have experienced is "your" reality no matter what that may be. You cannot compare it to others.

Indeed I was reflecting yesterday on my Grandpa's birthday about what I have lost over the past 5 years.....and it does make me sad. For a few minutes I wanted to rewind back in time to lets see....maybe June of 2004....and just not move forward. :-) However, life does not work that way and there have been many good things that have happened since then like my beautiful niece and nephew being born - now 5 years old!!! However, since 2004 many things have happened....from....John's suicide to my Grandpa dying of cancer, to my brother being diagnosed with cancer (but now doing well), to my Grandma's strokes and Alzheimer's, to losing touch with a very dear friend, to moving 4 times, to a few other difficult personal things taking place........hmmm.....I could name a few more. I know from all of these I have learned a lot and I do believe they have strangely made me a stronger person. However, I would have preferred to not have experienced any of them (as I am sure many would say about challenging times). :-) Why must life be difficult? Why must people suffer, whether that be physically or emotionally? Boy is that the question!! :-)

Anyway, I do have so much to be thankful for. This blog certainly isn't meant to sound depressing or a "woe is me" blog.......just sharing a little more from the heart. :-) I know one thing I am certainly thankful for, that is for my closer relationship with my sister! Through all of this over the past 5 years we have gotten so much closer, and for that I am very thankful! She is 4 years younger than me.....so we were never close growing up. However, she is a very hard worker and has a big heart.....she is a great person. Although, I can't mention her without saying that I am also thankful for my relationship with my brother Shane too. It is funny, the older we get I can see similarities in our personalities. ;-) Kinda cute!

Maybe one of these days I will realize hey - I haven't been anxious with physical symptoms for over a year!!! :-) Until then I will continue to learn, grow and manage it the best I can.

Happy Birthday Grandpa!

Happy Birthday Grandpa! Today my Grandpa Alspaugh would have been 71 years old! Thus, I wanted to dedicate my blog today to him. The picture above was from the Summer of 2004. This is the last time I saw him before he would be diagnosed with cancer. He was diagnosed in early 2005 (if I remember correctly), and then died in August of 2005. He put up such a great fight against this horrible disease, and I am thankful that I got to see him one last time before he died. We lived in Seattle, WA from July 2004-July 2005. So, as you can see, I made it back just in time to be able to see him. When I was able to see him, I am not sure if he remembered me or knew I was there, but I am thankful that I got to see him that last time. I also saw first-hand for the first time what cancer does to someone.........it is such a horrible disease. However, today I am going to celebrate his life with some fond memories I have of my Grandpa!

1. I think one of the greatest things I remember about him was his smile and his big hug! He always had a big smile on his face.....one that would make those around him have to smile. And when you would hug him, it would be one tight hug! :-) He lived in Louisiana most of my life, so whenever I would see him I would get one of those big hugs.

2. I also remember as a kid, going down to Louisiana to visit them. I think I was only 5. But at that time he had a perm - so funny to think that! :-) But I remember him and Grandma dressing myself, my uncle Doug (4 years older than me) and my aunt Kim (1 month younger than me), dressing us up with balloons and we would dance to Michael Jackson songs!!

3. I also remember he would come to visit at Christmas time....and when we were kids he would always take us to McDonalds at least one time during his visit. That was just what he did with us kids. :-)

4. I remember that he loved to play cards, and at any family gathering you would see him playing cards with whomever wanted to play. At that point in time I didn't play....but I often think of him (and my other grandparents) whenever I play euchre now.

5. I went to visit him in Louisiana the Summer between my freshmen and sophomore year in high school. During that visit he took me to the Gulf.....that is a great memory.

I am sure I could go on for a while with memories. But what I remember the most is that he was such a giving man. I am thankful that he came to see us before we left for Seattle. I am thankful for that memory with him. I love him and miss him. I can't hear the song "I Can Only Imagine" without crying and thinking of him (played at his funeral).

I love you Grandpa and wish you a Happy Birthday!!!

This picture is also from our going away party in the Summer of 2004 - with all three of my Grandpas!

Thankful.....

As I sit here during my lunch break, reading through other blogs, it got me thinking.....what am I thankful for this holiday season? First and foremost, I am thankful for my fairly and legitimately happy mood today! I know that sounds silly, and to others I do look pretty happy all of the time.....but some things have been challenging lately. So, today I am thankful that I am actually happy (at the moment), and don't feel anxious or stressed. Now, that could always change in the next hour....but..... :-)

Okay....so onto what I am thankful for this season......
1. My health! This may sound silly, but I have certainly learned how quickly your health can change. After the bowel obstruction surgery I had back in 2002 (that could have killed me if I let it go much longer).....to watching my brother be diagnosed with cancer at the age of 24, I have realized to never take my health for granted. So, this is why it is one of my top reasons to be thankful!! I am thankful everyday I am able to function normally and able to exercise! After my surgery, I realized not to take for granted the small movements you can do, like laugh, or sit-up or get off of a couch.
2. My family! Of course, I am thankful for my family. :-) I realized when I moved to Seattle in 2004, that it was waaaaayyy too far away from my friends and family. It is nice to have them close if only for a quick visit, or for the inevitable, a tragedy or death. I was in Seattle when I learned of John's suicide, which made it challenging to plan to get back to Ohio ASAP, and then made it very challenging being away from those I love during a difficult time. That same year far away.....I learned my Grandpa had cancer (but thankfully made it home right before he died). So, needless to say I am thankful to be back in Ohio. I am also thankful that Abby, Shane and I are now pretty close....now that we are adults. :)
3. My friends! Oh, how I could not make it through life without friends. I am an extrovert...and clearly an emotional one, so I am thankful for my friends. I have met so many people over the years, especially through working in Residence Life. So, I thankful for those I only keep in contact with via email. I am thankful for those I see 1-2 a year, and I am thankful for those I get to see more often. I really appreciate those friends that love you and accept you for who you are....and walk through life with you.
4. My cats! Yes, I know......I am a bit crazy for mentioning my cats in my list of what I am thankful for........but I am thankful for them. I love seeing their heads watching in the window for when I get home. I like how they run to the door and want to be pet. Though at times annoying, I love that Hopie is always on my lap if I am sitting on the couch......even if I have the laptop on my legs too...she finds a way to nestle between my stomach and the laptop. I love animals all around and get really upset when I hear of animal cruelty......or think of the way farm factory animals are raised now days. Animals are so precious and innocent....I hate to ever think of intentionally causing harm to one of them. I love you Hopie and Little Boots! :)
5. My job! Though, I have been a bit stressed this Quarter at OSU because we have been understaffed, I LOVE advising students. I worked in Residence Life for 5 years! I loved the opportunities to mentor and work right along side of college students. Though....I do not miss responding to a suicidal ideation in the middle of the night.....or underage drinking (thank you Res Life). :) I love this time in a young person's life....a time where they truly find out who they are. Some may learn the hard way....but they nonetheless learn. It is amazing to see the learning and independence that takes place. I am also thankful for my Franklin University teaching opportunity. It is nice to have a little "on the side job" of teaching adult learners both online and face-to-face. I have had a lot of great experiences with that too.
6. My education! I am thankful that I was able to go to college....and who knows....I may always go back for a Ph.D. I never planned to go to college until Christmas time of my Senior year.....but I am so thankful I did. I LOVED my time at Malone, it was such an amazing experience. I know my grandparents talked often of how important our education is.....for this I am thankful. I am also thankful that I finished my Master's Degree. I remember being afraid of applying for a Master's Program.....afraid I wouldn't get in.....or be smart enough to finish, but I did. I am thankful for the opportunity to have went to college....and now be working with college students.

Well, my lunchtime is almost finished. I know there are many more things I am thankful for.....perhaps I will continue that tomorrow. :)

Perfect Quote to Show My Main Goal of This Blog

So....I promise I will not blog three times in one day normally.....ummm...I do not even know if anyone is reading this anyway! :) However, since I am currently not teaching a Franklin class on top of Advising at OSU I have a lot of spare time on my hands. I found the current quote (below) tonight when reading about "depth of the heart" and I thought it was soooo incredibly fitting to my main thought and goal of starting this blog.

"What we hunger for perhaps more than anything else is to be known in our full humanness, and yet that is often just what we also fear more than anything else. It is important to tell at least from time to time the secret of who we truly and fully are . . . because otherwise we run the risk of losing track of who we truly and fully are and little by little come to accept instead the highly edited version which we put forth in hope that the world will find it more acceptable than the real thing. It is important to tell our secrets too because it makes it easier . . . for other people to tell us a secret or two of their own . . . " — Frederick Buechner

Boy did this quote just BLOW me away!! This is exactly what I have been thinking about lately (actually for a while) and decided to begin writing about. I think of this quote in so many different lights(and will certainly not be able to express everything in my heart regarding this quote in one blog). But one of my first thoughts are, I consider this quote to show the main point of my very first blog on Friday - the fact that in life we really want to be known. I think to find a quote saying this is amazing. I, at least know I am not entirely crazy for yearning to be truly known by others and also truly knowing others. I also think this quote reminds us that in order to get there.....we need to learn to love others "where they are at" and not judge them no matter what you learn in your friendships/relationships.

Now, of course, I am a pretty open person, which I think is usually positive. I feel that I have tact and know when to share and when not to share. I normally like to share when I am trying to relate to others and know it may help and comfort them. I am a pretty empathetic person, and I try to use that for the "good." However, I think this quote is a challenge not only for me, but a challenge for those of you that may not be very open, or scared to share about who you really are. And who knows, you may be on the journey to determine who you are (many of us are still learning), but I think that in those times of learning and sharing during one's journey, that is when the most can be learned!

I really like the idea of sharing our secrets (or course I do not think that it has to be every dark secret - but can be), but instead what makes "you" - "you"! What have you been through, what are you going through, what has made you unique and how have you come through this journey of life so far? Share that with others! Furthermore, I do really like that this quote talks about how if we do not share we may run the risk of losing track of who we are!! I COMPLETELY AND WHOLE HEARTEDLY agree with this statement. I am one that does not think it is good to bury or forget about anything that one has been through....but instead in sharing with others....journeying through life with others.....you can not only be sure not to forget.....but you can be reminded of what you have been through and who you are. HOW AMAZING!! And I think it is important not to allow life to change you.....if it is contradictory to who you are. It just goes to show you how important relationships are....and more importantly...relationships that have depth where you can be completely honest and share your "secrets!" How moving and amazing!

So my challenge to you and to myself is to "be real" and not show an "edited" version of yourself because in this (no matter how hard it is), others will feel more comfortable to also show themselves....and what an amazing and fulfilling life we can have when this happens!!!!!

Finish to the Day....

So, today was a wonderful day! My Grandma was having a great day! She smiled so many times - it was great! Here is a nice picture of her smiling! I am so very thankful for days and times like this. Life is so precious and you never know what tomorrow may hold, so it is important to cherish every moment.

I also had a great time spending time with the rest of my family. As in typical family tradition at the Dowell's, we decorated the Christmas tree after eating our yummy lunch. Here is a pretty nice picture of the finished product.

This leads me though, to a typical question I come back to in life......why does bad things happen to good people? I know that there is not an answer to this......but sometimes it can really make life difficult, and certainly difficult to understand. I have questioned this with many different things that have happened over the last 5 or so years (and even before that), but definitely more specifically with my Grandma. She was such a giving woman that has done so much for the world. She did not deserve to have this happen to her. I am by NO WAY saying that anyone deserves this, but I just do not know why she must endure it (or many others in her situation). Although, she has such a great attitude, and is still the loving Grandma I have always known (just amazing). But often I get so angry and feel pain in my heart because I just do not understand. I know often people will explain it with their faith.....but to be honest, I do not have much faith these days. However, that is an entire other topic I am sure I will blog about eventually. I have seen so much hurt and devastation in the lives of people (some that I know personally and some I do not).....and I just do not understand it. I do not, and have never been able to understand why there is hurt and pain in this world.....some of it we inflict ourselves...and some that is out of our control. Why???

Regardless, this was an amazing day that I spent with family. My sister and I were even able to smear some whip cream on my Dad's face - also in typical holiday fashion!! :) Now, I am sitting here enjoying the AMA's and appreciating the gift of music. I absolutely love music, especially listening to the words in music.....of course, often people sharing what is in their hearts (which I LOVE)!! However, often, the music itself can be just as powerful!

Good night!

Time with Family

Yesterday was a great day! Started it by going to the gym. I am thankful that I am able to move - walk, jog, and workout. At times I know I take this for granted, but there are many people that cannot do this. So, why not take advantage of it as much as possible? Then I headed off to a running store at Polaris to pick-up my race packet for the 4-miler I am running in on Thanksgiving morning. I am excited for this race. You get a lot of great gifts for running it too - including a bottle of wine and finishers medal! :) Then I was able to enjoy the company of my brother Shane, his wife Michelle and their twins - Emmi and Jayden. They came over to watch the OSU vs. Michigan game. A big rivalry. It was a lot of fun - and OSU won. Here is a great pre-game picture.....

But anyway, I am thankful for the time that I am able to spend with anyone - family or friends. After the game we were able to meet-up with my sister and her husband (along with my brother and his family) at Benny's in Marysville. That was a great dinner too!

Today we are off to have Thanksgiving with my Dad's side of the family, at my Grandma and Grandpa's house. I am really looking forward to this (though I need to get off of the computer so I can go to the store and get the lettuce for my salad :-)), as it will be great time with family. My Grandma and Grandpa are two people I really admire. I have always been close to my Grandma....not sure why, but we always connected. She is a very caring and giving woman. She has also been able to accomplish so much in her life and I think it is amazing that she was the Auditor of Union County for 16 (I think) years! About 3 years ago she started suffering a series of strokes, and some terrible falls, along with being diagnosed with dementia and a progressive type of Alzheimer's. This has been incredibly hard for me as I care for her so much and I have hated to see her go through this (I am crying as I type). The Summer of 2007 was a pretty rough Summer as I traveled to the Nursing Home and their house almost every day (to check on them and spend time with them). Thankfully, she has made some progress, I think she does understand what we are saying to her most of the time, even if she is not able to reply, and for this I am thankful. She also always smiles when we walk in the door - which is a GREAT feeling!! I have gained such admiration for my Grandpa during this time as he has stood by her EVERY step of the way. He wants to be able to keep her at home and has made many changes to the house (including a shower that will fit a wheel chair), and has bought a few different lifts to be able to get her around the house (as she cannot walk). Watching them over the last 3 years has really shown me what devotion is - it is beautiful. So, anyway, I treasure any moment I am able to spend with them - and today I am off to do that. As a tribute to them here is a fairly recent picture -



















Have a good day!

Life Lessons - The Art of Being Known

I once heard someone say that all we really want in this life is "to be truly known." Personally, I would tend to agree with this thought. When I think about people and the relationships I currently have and have had, I do tend to think that deep down, if you are in touch with your feelings/emotions you do "truly" want to be known. You want others to know the genuine desires of your heart and not judge you for them. I would go one step further, and hope that not only do we want to be known.....but we truly want to "know" others too (at least I know I do). Now I do think there are life circumstances and many other reasons that cause us to either do the opposite (not want to be known) or not even realize that we want that deep connection with others, in any type of relationship. However, if we knew that we would not be judged and could truly be open and share in order to connect with others, I think it could happen much easier. Perhaps this is why I worked in Residence Life for so long. I think I could go on and on about this topic....perhaps another time. However, if I someone does read this, I am curious to hear your thoughts?

Life......what an interesting thing! At times it can be so amazing and you can feel as though you are on top of the world, then at other times it can been truly difficult and hard to even begin to think about how you are going to deal with the next day.....or even hour. But I tend to think that the relationships that we have with one another help make this life a bit more easy. It is nice to have connections, to truly know someone and to be known. I think that they serve as a ray of hope in the midst of difficulties.

So, anyway, I have decided to "jump on the bandwagon" and "attempt" to blog. I tend to be a "talker" not a writer.....so we shall see how this goes (if it goes anywhere :-)). My goal is to write once a week about life. Perhaps share lessons that I have learned, share what is on my heart, and ponder what is yet to be learned. Becoming self-aware is the first step in being able to grow as a person....to learn about yourself and then in turn learn about others.

So......here we go!