The past....does it make you stronger?

My brother Shane, just wrote an an amazing blog about his past, feel free to check it out http://past-shane-future.blogspot.com/. But anyway, it got me thinking about....does your past make you stronger? In my opinion, it has made me stronger. Of course, there are things I wished I didn't have to experience, but the truth is, life happens and I did experience it....and needed to learn to deal with it. I like to think that the different hard, life-changing experiences I have lived through will eventually (if not already) help someone else. I love to help people and talk about difficult topics. Thus, if what I have been through can help someone else, then I almost feel like going through it was worth it (I hope that makes sense). :-)

So.....what are some big life experiences that have taken place in my life that have made me stronger? I am only going to choose a few to talk about, as this blog could get pretty long. :-)

I am sure that the first big, life-changing experience to take place would be my parents divorce. I was 7, almost 8 when they officially divorced. I remember being a bit sad about it, crying one day when I was at school (and to be honest, I do not remember much before their divorce).....but I do not remember it being something too difficult to deal with. I will not talk in detail about the divorce, as that is not my place. But some of the aspects of the divorce have certainly impacted me as an adult and some fears I have in relationships. Now days many people I know have divorced parents, but back in the 80/90's it was not as common. I do not think any of my close high school friends had divorced parents. However, as stated in my previous blog, I would much prefer that my parents be divorced, and happy with their lives. I did have more difficulty when my Mom started dating again.......but that is another story. However, I do think their divorce has impacted and the person I am today.

Hmmm......how to approach the next topic that comes to mind as a child. Though my mom was very happy when she was married to John, which I am thankful for.....I was not always happy. As I think back, I know John must have wrestled with many demons which ultimately lead to ending his life. However, growing up he was not exactly the nicest guy. In September/October of 2002 I was able to finally forgive him (but that is also for another blog - ha). But growing up with him I never felt comfortable. I was always afraid I was going to do something wrong. He would yell at you with the drop of a hat.....or just be plain mean. Being a pretty good kid, and a perfectionist, this would make me soooo nervous. Thus, I would often be with friends or in my own bedroom to stay away from him. I was always afraid I was going to get in trouble for something, and I HATE being yelled at. I felt scared in my own home.....which has certainly impacted my life. I knew when searching for a boyfriend/husband I wanted the opposite of what I grew up with.....which really was Matt. Now, that is not a necessarily a good way to search for a mate, but that is what I needed. I needed to feel comfortable again with myself....and hopefully learn to be able to relax. But as you can tell from a previous blog, I still do have issues "relaxing." Now, I do not know that it all has to do with growing up the way I did.....but I certainly think it has an impact.

I feel like from oh 2001-2004 my life was pretty low-key. Matt and I did get married young (at 22), and I really "learned who I was" which then causes you to work through different things. But overall....those years were great. I worked along side my best friend, and LOVED what I did at Ashland University, working in Residence Life. After completing my Master's Degree I wanted to "get out there" and live some place else. Why not? In Residence Life you can move easily to a different state. I did get a job working at my first choice school - Seattle Pacific University. Seattle, WA - what an amazing place!!!! However, the next 5'ish years then proved to be probably, not probably HAS proved to be the most difficult of my life.

In August of 2004, a month after moving to Seattle, WA. I found out my step-dad John (of over 14 years) completed suicide. Again, I will blog about what I learned through that soon (I promise), but boy.......did this have a HUGE impact on my life. Not only did I know nothing about suicide, but someone I knew completed it, and I was like 3,000 miles away from my friends and family....in the middle of training. Immediately, all of the feelings I had growing up came flooding back to me. I felt bad that I had such unpleasant thoughts about John growing up, I felt guilty....but immediately had a good friend tell me to not discredit my feelings from growing up. That could cause more damage. Ultimately, I decided to fly back to Ohio to be with my sisters (Abby and Heather). It was one of the best decisions I ever made. Whereas, it was a VERY hard time, I am so thankful I was there for the funeral. But returning to normal life was a BIG time of reflection. I did seek counseling, and I tried to continue talking to my sister and Mom to ensure they did not bury any feelings. Despite that experience being a challenge at the beginning of the school year, I was still able to work with suicidal students without that impacting the job that I do. In September of 2005 I participated in the annual "Out of the Darkness" suicide prevention/awareness walk that takes place across the country. And I am also a BIG proponent of bringing awareness to this taboo issue, that again, is one our society does not talk about. I am thankful it is something I can talk about and shed the light on in hopes of keeping others from taking their lives. It is time our society break their silence, and stop treating suicide as such a taboo topic.

The same academic year, in early 2005 my maternal Grandpa was diagnosed with cancer. His cancer was incurable and eventually killed him. This is the first time I witnessed what this horrible disease can do to your body. I remember mom sending me updated pictures of him from when he was at home, to when he went to The Cancer Treatment Centers of America.....and I couldn't believe the physical changes. I was trying to prepare myself, because thankfully we made it back from Seattle in time to see him. I was able to see him in early August 2005 (he died a week later). I really hope that he knew I was there, as he was not in very good health at all. If you would not have told me that was my 66 year-old Grandpa lying there, I would never have known. The cancer had ravaged his body so greatly that I didn't recognize him. He looked like he was 90. I held it together long enough to tell him I was there, give him a kiss, and tell him I love him. Then I looked at my Mom and she knew I needed to leave the room......and then the floodgates opened!! But even more harder than seeing my poor, but amazing Grandpa in that condition was knowing when I said goodbye to him, it would be the last time I said goodbye to him or even talked to him. I still cry when I think about that. How do you say goodbye to someone that you know you will never see again??? HOW!!! Somehow I did muster the strength, but boy was that hard. This then leads me into another story of cancer....

In January 2007, my younger brother Shane was diagnosed with cancer!! CANCER!!! A 25-year old was diagnosed with cancer. Yes, I know, there are younger people diagnosed every day, but my brother? I remember him calling to tell me at work, and not only was it hard to hear it from him.....but immediately I thought about what I saw my Grandpa go through just a year earlier. I DID NOT want to see my brother go through that. I was immediately faced with the mortality of life. I am so incredibly thankful that my brother only had to go through two surgeries, and 3 years later, he is cancer-free. I am also glad that I was able to be there for both of his surgeries. My brother is such a brave man to endure what he has. I am sooooo proud of him. But through both of these experiences it has made me much more sensitive to cancer and the STRONG desire to want to find a cure. This past year my brother ran with Matt and I in The Race for the Cure (Matt and I also ran in it the year before). It was SUCH AN AMAZING experience and I hope it can become a tradition with my brother. I know the race is for breast cancer, but any strive to find a cure is a good thing. Below is a picture of Shane and I from that day. If you notice, I wore a yellow hanker chief to celebrate Shane conquering testicular cancer (yellow is the color for that cancer).



As stated in previous posts, in 2006 my Grandma started falling a lot, and then in the Summer of 2007 we found out she had Alzheimer's, dementia and had many strokes. This severely impacted her and my Grandpa's life. She could no longer walk, or do pretty much anything on her own. This was VERY HARD for me, as I have always been very close to her. I was in that nursing home almost every day in the Summer of 2007. My Grandpa has worked very hard with her over the last 2.5 years. And thankfully, as you saw in a post from a couple of days ago, she was able to stand with just a little help from my Grandpa. What an accomplishment!!! She has also been able to talk a bit more. This has been amazing to see. But watching her go through this has been hard for me personally.....and has very much impacted my faith (or lack there of). Granted, this is not the only thing to impacted my faith....but has contributed.

Well, this is starting to get a bit longer than planned. There are certainly some things Matt and I have experienced that are life-changing and I have learned quite a bit through. And there are some other stories from high school I could share. But some of those are more for only those close to me, which is ironic I would say that considering how open I am. :-) But they are certainly experiences that have contributed to the person I am today.

So, anyway.....yes, I do think that my past has made me stronger......and I hope that I can be one to help others both now and in the future.

It's Complicated....

Hello All! So, yes, two blogs in the same day, though, by the time I finish this blog it may be into day 2. :-) This evening I went to watch "It's Complicated" at the movies. It was a GREAT movie, very funny, but yet had a great "real" touch to it too (which I L-O-V-E)!!!! Anyway......as with most movies I watch (besides the mindless ones) it got me reflecting..... Typically I would verbally process this with someone like my great friend Steph, but it is kinda late, so I am instead going to blog (and try to get my thoughts on on paper....which usually does not work as well as verbally processing - he he).

Sometime with movies I get a bit frustrated because they are so unrealistic, but yet, I may often want that "feeling" in my life....whether that be something romantic or having to do with fairy tale relationships. But tonight, the movie was fairly realistic and I am sure something that happens more than we know. But what is funny is even though I know many movies that I watch are a bit unrealistic, I am still drawn into them.

So, in this movie a divorced couple of 10 years (but were married for at least 20), decided to hook back-up and have an affair with one another. Yes, I know that may not have been the best thing (but who I am to judge?). However, it made for an interesting movie. At one point their kids find out about the affair and were pretty upset, sad, confused and not sure how to process this new found information. They actually show them the next morning (all adult kids) in a bed together crying. They had finally gotten use to their parents being divorced, after I am sure a hard time of processing and coming to terms with it (I know, I experienced it as a child). So, at this point they didn't know "how" to feel. I know that if this happened to my parents (not now), but if it would have in the past, I probably would have been angry and upset too. Sure, it is usually a child's dream that their parents remain married or get back together. However, I was always different. Perhaps it was because I was the oldest....and wanted to take care of those I loved?? But anyway, I think it would have been more difficult for me to deal with them getting back together (not that that was ever going to happen as a kid....but this movie got me thinking). In this life, in my opinion, it is important for each person to be happy. If a marriage is not working, and divorce is the best option....then do it. I pretty strongly feel there is no point in staying in a marriage that is unhappy or unhealthy. We only live this life once.....so why allow yourself to be miserable?? Both of my parents were obviously more happy a part, and for this, I am thankful they realized this and were able to find happiness with a new person. I know, I know, not many may feel this way. But for me, I care more about their happiness, and I think that most children would prefer to see their parents happy and not be raised in an unhealthy environment where there is strife and not love. To quote the movie "It's Complicated!"

Yes, it is complicated.....just as the movie is titled!!! Life is complicated, very much so in my opinion!! I strive everyday to learn more about myself and others to be able to make the most of this short time we have on this planet. Speaking of marriage in my above paragraph, I also find it unfortunately ironic how soooooooooo many people do not talk about how difficult marriage is. Society often shuns people for divorce, and may think of them as weak, when I personally think the opposite. Now of course, I am not by any means advocating that everyone run out and get a divorce without working first. But at the same time, our society does not talk about taboo topics such as MARRIAGE BEING HARD (actually society does not talk about many taboo topics, which I have a passion for breaking that barrier to with other taboo topics). So many want to give off and show that everything is okay.....marriage is great. Sure, marriage can be absolutely wonderful. But at the same time, it is hard work. I have now been married for over 8.5 years....and we have had our fair share of hard times during those 8.5 years (we got married very young....right out of college). For those that know me reading this blog.....they know some of those troubles. But I am thankful we have thus far learned to continue to work at it. I had a discussion with a friend this past Summer, and she made the comment, you have to consciously make the decision every day to be committed and work at your marriage (she is a wise friend, and that was a wise comment). It is a decision. I do not think it is always something that comes easy. So, my point of this paragraph is that "it is complicated" and I wish that so many people would be "real" and share with others the difficulty of something as common as marriage. We should be understanding and supportive of those going through difficult times, for those that maybe made decisions that have impacted their marriage, for this just having a difficult time connecting in many facets of their marriage. Why must we be judgmental and closed as society?? (I personally strive for people to think of me as non-judgmental) All we need is LOVE and SUPPORT, and I am not talking about in friendships right this second - ha!! Of course, love and support is important in marriage too!!! ha!! So, my challenge to probably the 4 people that read this is....be "real" with your friends about your struggles. Don't hesitate to admit marriage is hard work. Yes, there are beautiful moments....but it is hard work!! :-) I am thankful for those "real" friendships where people are actually "real" and not ashamed to admit that it can be hard (just as life in general can be hard). Again, sure marriage can be absolutely amazing...but it can also be hard and communication is the key. I am also thankful that I love and care about my friends and can be completely supportive of them if and when they do decide divorce is the best option for them. I know it is not an easy decision........and I love them for being so courageous in the midst of what is going on. I just LOVE people and appreciate those real friendships that help you get from day to day.

Well....I was thinking of writing about another topic during this post, but I know it is getting pretty long in itself. :-) I will save that for another time......kind of a continuation of this topic leading into a tiny different aspect.

Life is complicated........learn to be a loving and supportive friend that is willing to accept and help others in the midst of any life circumstance!!!!

Thankful.....tradition....

I feel thankful for family time the past two days. :-) I really enjoyed spending time with my loved ones on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. I still have some more "christmas" events this Sunday (with my mom) and then next weekend with my dad (when brother and his family come up). But I have certainly enjoyed the quality time over the last two days.

I am certainly a person that enjoys tradition. Christmas Eve is one Christmas tradition that has been pretty much the same since I was born (or at least as far back as I can remember :-)). When we were really young, we would go to my Grandma and Grandpa Dowell's on the evening of Christmas Eve. I remember driving home in the dark....getting excited for Santa to come in a few hours!!! Then as we got older, we moved to having Grandma and Grandpa's Christmas Eve gathering at lunch time. This is just perfect too. I really love this tradition, and WOULDN'T miss it for anything!!!! This year was a great year at their house. After a challenging 3'ish years.....my Grandma was able to stand at her kitchen sink with just a little assistance!!! Please see the below photo!!

This really was truly the greatest gift I received this Christmas!!

With the thought of tradition also comes the thought of stability. My personality definitely strives to have stability in my life. I think I feel the best when I feel like there is stability (in many facets of my life). I kind of think that most people would be this way, but I know that is not true. The last 5+ years proved to be the least stable in my life (personally and other aspects impacting my life). Thankfully over the last year, it has been a bit better (certainly thankful). So, as you can see any bit of tradition makes me happy. So, in honor of tradition.....here is another fun photo from Christmas Day. My sister and I with our Alvin and the Chipmunk "toys". :-)


Hope YOU had a great Christmas too!!! :-)

Relax.....

Relax.........such an easy word, but something that is hard for me to do. Oh, how I long to relax. Sure, I do not have anything planned for today, but my mind automatically starts thinking of what I can or need to do. I could literally sit around all day, watching television, or reading...and one would think that is a relaxing day. But no, my mind just won't quit (I have pretty much always been this way, at least I have for the last 5+ years). Why is this??

So, as I sit here under blankets.....watching...ummmm....a silly Christmas Lifetime movie, I am thinking about the fact, this should be relaxing (yes, certainly not to everyone, but it should be to me). :-) I am happy I do not have plans for today, but yet I am thinking about the cleaning that could be done, the Christmas goodies I need to bake, the camera battery I need to buy before Thursday, and of course, worrying about other silly things I do not need to. I really think the only time my mind is at rest is when I am asleep (and even then, I rarely sleep well)!! :-) zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

So, according to dictionary.com, the definition of relax is as follows:
re⋅lax 
–verb (used without object)
1. to become less tense, rigid, or firm.
2. to become less strict or severe; grow milder.
3. to reduce or stop work, effort, application, etc., esp. for the sake of rest or recreation.
4. to release oneself from inhibition, worry, tension, etc.

Yes, I tried to choose a relaxing color!! :-) Anyway......so doesn't the definition seem easy.....and heavenly?? I certainly think so, and wish I could take a hold of it.

Maybe one of these days I will find a way to "trick" my mind into relaxing........just maybe!!! I can certainly hope for that peace, right?? :-)

Below is a picture that makes me smile.....and begin to relax. I love coffee shops.....and find them peaceful. The one below is a picture from inside of the Queen Anne Starbucks coffee shop in Seattle, WA (I found it online, though have some of my own pics somewhere). Anyway, when we lived in Seattle, WA I would go to this coffee shop a lot. That was a very difficult year for me personally, and this amazing coffee shop would be my escape. I spent a lot of time there alone, at times with my RAs for one-on-ones, and Matt and I would play cards there. Enjoy the wonderful picture!!

The Journey.....

Tonight I was watching the movie "P.S. I love you" - a great movie. But in the movie the main character, Hillary Swank is talking about how after her dad left at 14, she vowed no men ever again. But then she met her husband who was the love of her life, and he died of brain cancer. She said a very interesting statement following that line, "what was the point?" She is saying what was the point of getting married and experiencing her time with him......when he ended up dying so young?

I think often in life we ask this question, I know I have from time to time....wondering the reasons why things happen in life. As I reflect on different difficult times in my life, I can still sometimes wonder "what was the point".....and even still feel pain at times. It can range from the small things in life.....really bad days,difficult relationships, to losing loved ones, etc.......what is the point in experiencing this, why? Or even better yet, perhaps you look at another person's life, and their tragedies and difficulties.....and wonder "what is the point?" Why must they go through such heartache?

As I ponder on this statement tonight, I started to think....perhaps "the point" is the journey along the way. I know I am such a stronger person from the difficult life experiences I have had and experienced. I have learned from those times, where I have really questioned "what is the point." Life can seem so unfair at times. I am not trying to saying I have had many difficult experiences, but I am sure anyone reading this can think of times in their lives that were really difficult and you cannot wrap your mind around why you must have to experience this.

So whereas, I am sure she would rather not have lost her husband and experienced that heartache, I wonder if "Hillary Swank" would be able to look back on all of the experiences and the life learning that took place after his death (I know, I know it is just a movie)? Would someone like that be able to focus on how far they have come after that horrible ordeal......and think about what they have learned along the way? I am not by any stretch of the means saying that the point of a life changing tragedy is so that person can change, or that it should have happened....but rather....can we change our thought-process in the midst of a difficult time and learn about ourselves in the midst (I hope I am making sense)??? As we all know, hard things are going to take place, and we are going to have to learn and cope with difficult, life-changing events......so instead of saying "what is the point" we can try to think of what we can learn and think about the other positive aspects of our lives. Perhaps this can only happen in retrospect....but even if only during that time.....learning, growing and changing for the better is always good! :-)

Here is a link to a good song they play at the of the movie (there are many great songs in this movie, but I really enjoy this one...the words), by James Blunt http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yf4xgf3gL4w

Week in review....

Wowsers!! What a week! Since I cannot sleep-in for some unknown reason on the weekend, I am instead, blogging. I am watching the news and reflecting on my week. Some things that happened......

1. At the beginning of the week (Monday actually), I was offered a new Academic Advisor position at OSU. It all happened so quickly, as I only interviewed with the team the week prior, and then met with the Director of the School on Monday around lunch. However, I did accept the position, as I felt peace and very excited about working with the new team. Plus, they were all very nice and seemed to truly want me to be a part of their team. It is funny because there are certainly things in life I am not confident about, but my work, I have HIGH self-confidence about. I am a very hard worker and care about what I do. I think that I have always been this way, but I also think it is partly because of my personality. I pride myself on being social, efficient, team-oriented, organized, competent etc.....all which are important in my career field. But anyway, I care about what I do, and make it a goal to do the very best EVERY day I am at work......it is just an important part of one's integrity (in my opinion). So anyway....enough digressing, I accepted the job on Tuesday!!!! I am very excited about it. I will be working with and advising students in The School of Communication. I am excited to work with a new group of students, and learn another part of OSU, to be a better resource for students. I will be working with students in the major. I also, have 2 months off in the Summer!!!! That certainly is not the reason I applied for the position, but something I am looking forward to. It is 100% full-time, so I get all of the same benefits, but will having 2 months off in the Summer (approximately July and August). I really felt good about accepting this new opportunity (and I am very thankful to have a job in this difficult economic time). I will start this position the first day of Winter Quarter, January 4th.....so I will be learning everything quickly. :-)

2. I have been able to talk to a good "old" friend a few times this week!! :-) I have missed her and have missed talking to her often, and am thankful to have had the opportunity to catch-up and chat quite a few times over the past week......I hope it continues as this has certainly contributed to a good week.

3. The Quarter ended at OSU. With this comes A LOT of grading, as I taught two classes (well actually 3, but the internship class is online....so doesn't really count) this quarter. I had around 240 students between both classes (most were my Advisees) this quarter. I taught an introductory course to students (on Monday and Wednesday) that were just admitted to the Health Science major (90 students), and I taught our freshmen Survey course (150 students - 3 back-to-back recitations on a Friday morning). Now, coming from an extrovert, whom is energized from being around people, I would be exhausted on Friday morning after teaching 3 back-to-back recitations of 5 students each....but I survived!! :-) Anyway on Thursday and Friday (mostly Friday) of this week I was reading all 240 students' final papers.....and posted grades!!! I still need to upload the freshmen students' grades to Registrar on Monday.....but I was fried by the time I left work yesterday. I do not know how Professors do this every quarter.....KUDDOS to them!!! Again, I LOVE what I do....but boy....was this a busy quarter. Last night when I got home....I made a yummy drink, had some pizza and watched a mindless movie.....just what I needed. Oh, and on top of teaching this quarter....I continued advising along with all other responsibilities........a busy, busy quarter. :-)

4. I am looking forward to the weekend!! So after a very busy week, I am looking forward to the weekend....and happy it is Saturday morning. Tonight we are going out with some friends...which should be fun. Then tomorrow night we are having a veggie sushi night with some other friends!!! :-) Oh, and we will be playing some euchre tomorrow night too!! I am so thankful for friends and I enjoy spending time with people.

Okay.....so just to make this blog even more random.......I had to post something funny.....so I love reading entertainment sites...and thought this was kinda funny last night. I found this picture last night - http://www.people.com/people/gallery/0,,20326503,00.html#20715518 Now this was People's Sexiest Man alive?? Ughhh!!! Ha ha ha!!! I wonder how they choose this?? I certainly would not have voted for Johnny Depp. I could have made some good recommendations......

Okay....I should get to doing something productive. :-) Have a good Saturday!!!

Being a People Pleaser......

Why am I such a people pleaser? Yes....a question I often ponder, but definitely am reflecting on today. I would like to know why I am such a people pleaser?!?!?!?!?! Why do I always want to make others happy, sometimes at the expense of my own feelings (i.e. today)?? Integrity is very important to me....and I try to live with a high level of integrity in all aspects of life and try not to create conflict (but I do realize conflict is sometimes needed.....but I like to deal with it and then bring about harmony). I care about others and try to find the most appropriate way to handle difficult situations. So why....when I have done nothing wrong.....I can let others reactions make "me" feel bad??? Ugghhhh!!! I wish that I could just be laid-back and say oh well...I have done what I can....it is their issue as to why they are responding this way. However....no, I can't.....instead I let myself feel bad for no reason.

Is this a confidence issue on my part? Am I not self-confident enough?? Or do I just care too damn much about others feelings???

Okay.....sorry.....I needed to get this rant out. :-)

Follow Your Passion.........

While at Gallery Hop on Saturday night in the Short North, I was in a vegan boutique/store and came upon this bracelet. I think I should have bought it because I REALLY like it. Hmmmm.....maybe I will have to go back to purchase it. But anyway, they had bracelets with different inspiring phrases - but this one certainly stood out to me. I liked it a lot.

Of course, as you have probably gathered briefly by reading my blog, I like quotes and any words that are encouraging or inspiring. Things that may challenge you and get you thinking. At first, this bracelet made me think about following your passion in life - i.e. career. However, since thinking more about it I have decided that it is inspiring in many other areas, and I will touch on a few in this blog.

Personally, for my job - my passion is working with college students - as stated in previous blogs. I enjoy helping people, especially college students. I also have a passion for creating a cohesive team environment (if at all possible) at work. I think that so much more can be done by a group when we learn each others strengths, weaknesses and maximize on those (the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator is a great way to get this started). Communication is KEY!!! I think for the most part in higher education, especially in Student Affairs (whether that be Academic or Career Advising, Orientation, Res Life, Student Programming, etc.), there is typically an emphasis on working strongly as a team. Thus.....why I love what I do. So, I want to make it a goal to follow my passion and never settling whether that be now or in the future for less. :-) I also challenge you to not settle, and make it a goal to always follow your passion in your career - no matter what dream you may have - work to achieve it and bring it to fruition!!!

So, of course, I started analyzing the bracelet and started to think it is important to follow your passion in relationships too. Again, I think COMMUNICATION is always key!! I can never stress enough how important is to be self-aware!!! I learned this a bit later on after college.....which is sad. I certainly think the journey began in college, but I did not become truly self-aware until I started my first job out of college as a Residence Director at good old Ashland University (and I am still learning about myself). I think this self-awareness was probably facilitated by working in a full time job that I was passionate about, being in my first year of marriage, discovering one of my favorite tools ever - the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, and through talking with a great friend at that time that truly knew me inside and out. Honestly, she has had a huge impact on my life with helping me to understand me....without judging and facilitating the thought process that comes about in self-awareness (thank you...as you know who you are and read my blog). So, anyway, I think that it is important to follow your passion and seek out those people that bring joy, make you happy, will be honest, not judge you and those that will challenge you. I am truly drawn to genuine people. I can often tell when someone is fake......and I do not like to surround myself around those people. I do love people....and so many people. I love learning about others....their joys, lessons learned, their sorrows....and to get to know them at a more deep level. But anyway....I challenge you to follow your passion in your relationships - DON'T lose touch with those that you love and have been those good friends in your life. And even as you get older.....don't give-up on new relationships/friends - they can be a saving grace!!

I also think it is important to follow your passion in your hobbies/interests in life!! Those things that keep you sane in the midst of a CRAZY and BUSY society. I think that if you are pursuing these things......they can keep you on track and give you hope to be able to follow your career passions......and just keep you passionate in life!!! :-) For me, some of my passions are....photography. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE to take pictures....whether that be of nature, of people or of occasions you never want to forget. I think they are such a gift! I am also passionate about vegetarian eating, being more green (as stated in earlier post today), and minimizing animal suffering. I have become increasingly aware over the last 5-7 years of how are meat industry has changed and become just deplorable (for MANY reasons). It is a lot different than it was many years ago. There are many sad videos you can see out there, and some educational videos about how factory farming is destroying the earth with its practices. I love all creatures (though struggle with bugs), and could never hurt them. I get sad when I see a dead squirrel on the side of the road, and cannot even begin to think about an animal that is suffering.....it just pains me. So, I make it a goal to love and help animals in different ways. Another passion would be learning about health. After seeing loved ones be diagnosed and die of cancer....and the sight of rampant depression and many other obvious health-related issues, especially in the US.....I make it a goal to stay informed and read. I try to make changes in my diet and daily living to hopefully keep some of the common diseases at bay. I promise I will stop babbling soon....but my final two passions are coffee shops and people (they can sometimes go hand-in-hand). I love being in a coffee shop and drinking warm beverages (and sometimes cold tea in the Summer). I love me a nonfat latte....but I just love the environment in a coffee shop. For the most part, I often find them soothing. I have went there to journal, play cards with Matt and meet friends there to visit. I love them!!!! :-) Finally.....I LOVE people. I know that you can tell by reading many of my previous blogs...and some shared in this one that friends and family are important to me. I could NEVER make it through this life without relationships. I love being with and connecting with people. And along the same idea with people.....it is important to me to help minimize discrimination, whether that be race, sexual-orientation, disability, etc. We are all equal and deserve fair treatment.

I realize this blog is becoming much more longer than planned.....

So, I challenge you to think about your passions....what are your passions!! Are you currently pursuing them? What changes do you need to make to ensure you are not selling yourself short by not pursuing those passions!!! Life is short....follow your passions!!!!

HUGS this evening!!!

To send Christmas cards....or not?

Every year I like to send Christmas cards (even if it is last minute), because I feel like it is the "right" thing to do since we receive cards from so many people. I really love receiving the picture cards from friends and family, because if you know me even a little bit then you know that I LOVE pictures!! I kinda would like to send picture cards....maybe include the kitties on it since we do not have children. :-) But then I feel something inside me saying......you shouldn't be sending cards at all because it is a waste of resources (and truly it is). I try to live as green as I can. Granted, I know not as green as some out there, but it is something important to me. We recycle, compost (to a degree), I don't eat meat (Matt rarely does), I buy local often - especially our dairy, I like to support local businesses, turn lights off in rooms we are not in, don't turn up our heat or AC as high as I would like :-) - we actually rarely use our AC, use our reusable bags often at stores, buy vegan cleaning supplies without harsh chemicals or being tested on animals, hmmm.....I am sure we do more, but those are some things I think about at first thought. So, I kinda think to myself.......to send Christmas cards perhaps is a bit counter initiative to how I live. Then I wonder, would it be lame to create an email Christmas card, or send one as an attachment???? As I think through our Christmas list of friends and family nearly everyone has an email address. This way I am not wasting resources in many ways....the cards, the transit of the cards to their destination, etc. I am curious to know what others think (for the few that read this). :-)

I have also decided I am going to try to eat gluten-free (currently in day 1). I think this will be a little challenging - a gluten-free vegetarian. Granted, it is only making a few minor changes to how I eat now. I was reading one day that if you cut wheat and sugar out of your diet it may help with anxiety. I also have a few friends that avoid wheat and/or gluten and I know they feel much better when they eat this clean. So.......I am going to give it a try. I made the Thanksgiving Day Butternut Squash-Couscous dish today, but made it with quinoa instead. I love quinoa and it is sooooo good for you!!!

Well, maybe I will try to blog about something more interesting later on tonight!! :-)

Searching for Happiness......

I hope that everyone is having a good week so far!! I am sitting here enjoying relaxing this evening. I watched a little Rudolph on the television.....now I am watching the Grammy nominations, and thinking how thankful I am for music. Sometimes I wonder what life would be without music? I appreciate music for so many different reasons. Sometimes I enjoy listening to it because of the beat. At other times I enjoy dancing and the fun it brings about. Sometimes I like to listen to it for memories, especially classical rock for childhood memories (yay Styx and AC/DC)!! However, I think above all, I mostly enjoy the words to songs. Sure, there are some songs that make no sense and we like them because of their beat, or how they make us feel. But often when I truly like a song, it is because of the lyrics within that song. I am thankful to the artists that write and create music!

But anyway, tonight I was reading through some different quotes. I love quotes....and I came upon this quote - "Everyone, without exception, is searching for happiness."- Blaise Pascal
I am curious to know what others think about this quote. Do you agree with this quote? If so, why? Do you disagree? If so, why?

In one way, I could certainly say yes....I think as humans we certainly strive for happiness. I mean look at how much we expect of ourselves and society. We are often looking for the next best thing that will make us happy. I also think often, we may come up short.....and that could be some of the reason for depression (certainly NOT the only reason as I definitely believe there is a chemical aspect to depression and many other life circumstances/reasons). But perhaps some turn to help or become depressed because they are not able to find that "true" happiness in life. And what about those times in true desperation....whether that be suicide or even crime......is that because we have been searching so hard for happiness and have fallen short, and just sorta give-up (again, not staying that is the only reason)?

But I also look at how others find happiness in helping and doing for others. This is what brings them happiness. Others are such optimists and always look at the happy side of life....and all of the positive they have in their lives. I wish I could do this at all times.....but I certainly fall short. However, I certainly think it is great when one is able to find what makes them happy and content. So many of us do have so much to be thankful for, even in the midst of difficulty.

So.....that leads me to wonder, is it selfish to be searching for happiness? As humans, is it okay to be searching for happiness within ones life.....or should we be focused on making others happy (and that can be in a variety of ways)???

Regardless, I think personally, that I search for happiness in life. Why not? Our lives are so short. I think as long as you are on the path to find happiness, and you include others in that path by having a positive impact on their lives....then why not be trying to attain happiness? :-) I think that it is just important to not lose sight on the end....and know that there will be difficulties and that life cannot always be happy at all times. However, if we can focus on what we have been blessed with, and be sure to make it our goal to bless others lives.....then it is okay to keep working towards happiness.

Life is truly about others.....reach out to others....how can you have a positive impact on someone and help bring about happiness in their lives!!!???