It's Complicated....

Hello All! So, yes, two blogs in the same day, though, by the time I finish this blog it may be into day 2. :-) This evening I went to watch "It's Complicated" at the movies. It was a GREAT movie, very funny, but yet had a great "real" touch to it too (which I L-O-V-E)!!!! Anyway......as with most movies I watch (besides the mindless ones) it got me reflecting..... Typically I would verbally process this with someone like my great friend Steph, but it is kinda late, so I am instead going to blog (and try to get my thoughts on on paper....which usually does not work as well as verbally processing - he he).

Sometime with movies I get a bit frustrated because they are so unrealistic, but yet, I may often want that "feeling" in my life....whether that be something romantic or having to do with fairy tale relationships. But tonight, the movie was fairly realistic and I am sure something that happens more than we know. But what is funny is even though I know many movies that I watch are a bit unrealistic, I am still drawn into them.

So, in this movie a divorced couple of 10 years (but were married for at least 20), decided to hook back-up and have an affair with one another. Yes, I know that may not have been the best thing (but who I am to judge?). However, it made for an interesting movie. At one point their kids find out about the affair and were pretty upset, sad, confused and not sure how to process this new found information. They actually show them the next morning (all adult kids) in a bed together crying. They had finally gotten use to their parents being divorced, after I am sure a hard time of processing and coming to terms with it (I know, I experienced it as a child). So, at this point they didn't know "how" to feel. I know that if this happened to my parents (not now), but if it would have in the past, I probably would have been angry and upset too. Sure, it is usually a child's dream that their parents remain married or get back together. However, I was always different. Perhaps it was because I was the oldest....and wanted to take care of those I loved?? But anyway, I think it would have been more difficult for me to deal with them getting back together (not that that was ever going to happen as a kid....but this movie got me thinking). In this life, in my opinion, it is important for each person to be happy. If a marriage is not working, and divorce is the best option....then do it. I pretty strongly feel there is no point in staying in a marriage that is unhappy or unhealthy. We only live this life once.....so why allow yourself to be miserable?? Both of my parents were obviously more happy a part, and for this, I am thankful they realized this and were able to find happiness with a new person. I know, I know, not many may feel this way. But for me, I care more about their happiness, and I think that most children would prefer to see their parents happy and not be raised in an unhealthy environment where there is strife and not love. To quote the movie "It's Complicated!"

Yes, it is complicated.....just as the movie is titled!!! Life is complicated, very much so in my opinion!! I strive everyday to learn more about myself and others to be able to make the most of this short time we have on this planet. Speaking of marriage in my above paragraph, I also find it unfortunately ironic how soooooooooo many people do not talk about how difficult marriage is. Society often shuns people for divorce, and may think of them as weak, when I personally think the opposite. Now of course, I am not by any means advocating that everyone run out and get a divorce without working first. But at the same time, our society does not talk about taboo topics such as MARRIAGE BEING HARD (actually society does not talk about many taboo topics, which I have a passion for breaking that barrier to with other taboo topics). So many want to give off and show that everything is okay.....marriage is great. Sure, marriage can be absolutely wonderful. But at the same time, it is hard work. I have now been married for over 8.5 years....and we have had our fair share of hard times during those 8.5 years (we got married very young....right out of college). For those that know me reading this blog.....they know some of those troubles. But I am thankful we have thus far learned to continue to work at it. I had a discussion with a friend this past Summer, and she made the comment, you have to consciously make the decision every day to be committed and work at your marriage (she is a wise friend, and that was a wise comment). It is a decision. I do not think it is always something that comes easy. So, my point of this paragraph is that "it is complicated" and I wish that so many people would be "real" and share with others the difficulty of something as common as marriage. We should be understanding and supportive of those going through difficult times, for those that maybe made decisions that have impacted their marriage, for this just having a difficult time connecting in many facets of their marriage. Why must we be judgmental and closed as society?? (I personally strive for people to think of me as non-judgmental) All we need is LOVE and SUPPORT, and I am not talking about in friendships right this second - ha!! Of course, love and support is important in marriage too!!! ha!! So, my challenge to probably the 4 people that read this is....be "real" with your friends about your struggles. Don't hesitate to admit marriage is hard work. Yes, there are beautiful moments....but it is hard work!! :-) I am thankful for those "real" friendships where people are actually "real" and not ashamed to admit that it can be hard (just as life in general can be hard). Again, sure marriage can be absolutely amazing...but it can also be hard and communication is the key. I am also thankful that I love and care about my friends and can be completely supportive of them if and when they do decide divorce is the best option for them. I know it is not an easy decision........and I love them for being so courageous in the midst of what is going on. I just LOVE people and appreciate those real friendships that help you get from day to day.

Well....I was thinking of writing about another topic during this post, but I know it is getting pretty long in itself. :-) I will save that for another time......kind of a continuation of this topic leading into a tiny different aspect.

Life is complicated........learn to be a loving and supportive friend that is willing to accept and help others in the midst of any life circumstance!!!!