Yep, I know..........I think a bit too much. But as I sit here watching "Sweet November".......I started contemplating aspects of the meaning of life (considering none of us know how long we will be here). So, what is the meaning of life??? Sure, many have philosophical or religious answers to that question. And yes, I use to be a fairly religious person....but after so many different life circumstances I have experienced I have been struggling and questioning faith in general. So, again, I ponder.......what is the meaning of life?
Of course, there really is no way to entirely answer this question, as it is a very broad and open to many interpretations....but I thought I would share some of my thoughts...........please remember....I am a simple girl!!!
Today, yes, I say today.......as I am sure that on different days I may give some different thoughts...
To me......I think the meaning of life is...........to be happy. Yep, just that simple!!! ;-) Now, how one gets to that happiness is a different story. I think it can be achieved in many ways.
For me, Happiness means many things....... It seems like such a simple word.......but to me it is a bit more complex and can be brought about in different ways. However, for me, one of the main definitions of happiness for me is that I definitely love to help people.......make them happy. Sometimes this is a double-edged sword as being a people-pleaser can certainly backfire.......but I really thrive on making others smile....doing things for others....understanding them....understanding what makes them happy....understanding how I can make them feel important. That is truly what makes me happy. I love to spend time with people.....listen to them....offer words of encouragement and support.
To me that truly does bring happiness to my life.....but selfishly, I have not been doing that nearly as much as I have wanted to lately....as I have struggled to be positive and "happy" lately. I have kind of felt exhausted and depleted and need to find a way to re-energize myself so that I can get back to what I truly like to do......and I am working on this. ;-)
Sometimes I think that for me, another aspect of happiness would be if I could just be carefree and positive most of the time (I try to be pretty positive....so maybe focusing more on the carefree). I really long for this......and know that this would make life a bit easier........and probably also help me on one of my main goals in life - to bring about happiness in other people's lives!!!! As most of you know from reading this blog.....I do struggle relaxing......and with anxiety. But oh how I want to overcome this. ;-) I feel so selfish in struggling with anxiety, etc. The quicker I can overcome this.......the quicker I can be more positive and have helping others (without becoming exhausted) be a bit more natural.
I love meeting people whom are able to have such a positive outlook on life.....and be more carefree....taking it as it comes...........I like to learn from them.....
My friends and family also make me happy, and I think that it is important to always remind them of how important they are to you. That is something I firmly believe in. And since making people happy is part of my "meaning of life".........I hope that I am able to remind and let my friends know how much I care about them. I don't care if I appear too touchy-feely or sappy. ;-) Again, none of us know how long we have in this life.....or how long we will be mentally, emotionally and physically present.
Finally, in an effort to keep this blog relatively short......animals also make me happy!!! I think caring and taking time to help animals or taking care of your own is a very important aspect of life. You can do this many ways.....like I said....helping out a local organization, taking good care of your own animals.....or of course by becoming vegetarian or vegan (hee hee). Yes, the first two are more easy. But I LOVE animals and they make me happy.......and are a very important part of my life.
Okay.....perhaps I will add some more thoughts to this.....ohhhhh so complex topic in future blogs!!!! ;-)
Monday, May 31, 2010
Friday, May 28, 2010
Connection......
I have not felt much like blogging lately, actually I take that back. I have felt like blogging lately.....but figure some of the topics I have blogged or wanted to blog were too vulnerable or not as positive as I have wanted them to be. As I usually like to be a pretty positive person, so I have either not written them.....or written them and then deleted them.
However, lately I have had this deep need for connection. I do not think I can fully explain it, nor do I completely understand it. Sure, I know that I am a person that loves to spend time with others, invest in others and relate to others. But lately I have felt a bit exhausted and know I haven't been able to do that the way that I want to (myself invest in others). I normally seek people out.....and love to listen to them. I do not necessarily give advice......because who am I to give advice......but I try to empathize or encourage. I hate that lately I have felt depleted in being able to do this.
However, I have been contemplating over the last month or so how much I LONG for connection. Sure, I like to connect with others on a more surface level......listening, sharing common interests. But for some reason I have this deep innate "need" to truly connect lately. I do not know with whom....entirely........ Sure, I know the sort of friends I may seek out with certain personality characteristics that make it more easy for me to actually share. But I just have been longing to connect.....and haven't been able to yet......
I am sure that this makes no sense, because clearly I do not have it all figured out. I am not sure why I have such a need for a deep connection (though of course, I have analyzed some theories)....maybe it kinda goes back to the first post of this blog. I want to truly be known........but I say that with hesitation now because I certainly don't want to truly be known by everyone......as I have been more reserved lately with what I share. I kinda feel like parts of me are shutting down emotionally due to certain life circumstances lately. But yet, I still have such a deep desire.....almost a deep pain in my heart to have a true and nice connecting session with someone. Something that will continue...........
I wonder if anyone else ever feels this way?????
However, lately I have had this deep need for connection. I do not think I can fully explain it, nor do I completely understand it. Sure, I know that I am a person that loves to spend time with others, invest in others and relate to others. But lately I have felt a bit exhausted and know I haven't been able to do that the way that I want to (myself invest in others). I normally seek people out.....and love to listen to them. I do not necessarily give advice......because who am I to give advice......but I try to empathize or encourage. I hate that lately I have felt depleted in being able to do this.
However, I have been contemplating over the last month or so how much I LONG for connection. Sure, I like to connect with others on a more surface level......listening, sharing common interests. But for some reason I have this deep innate "need" to truly connect lately. I do not know with whom....entirely........ Sure, I know the sort of friends I may seek out with certain personality characteristics that make it more easy for me to actually share. But I just have been longing to connect.....and haven't been able to yet......
I am sure that this makes no sense, because clearly I do not have it all figured out. I am not sure why I have such a need for a deep connection (though of course, I have analyzed some theories)....maybe it kinda goes back to the first post of this blog. I want to truly be known........but I say that with hesitation now because I certainly don't want to truly be known by everyone......as I have been more reserved lately with what I share. I kinda feel like parts of me are shutting down emotionally due to certain life circumstances lately. But yet, I still have such a deep desire.....almost a deep pain in my heart to have a true and nice connecting session with someone. Something that will continue...........
I wonder if anyone else ever feels this way?????
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Thankful.....Friendships......
I know, I know.......I haven't really been posting anything too meaningful lately. I have sort of felt like I have been in a fog......life has been a bit of a whirlwind....not all bad......just a bit foggy. There really is no other way to explain it, but I feel like I have been in a fog.
However, over the last few days I have really been thinking about people.....relationships.....and the importance of certain people in your life at certain times. As I am sure you can tell if you read this blog, relationships are important to me. But lately I have been kinda reflecting even more (yes, big surprise for those that know me). I have been thinking about my friendships....the kind of people I am more "attracted" to....because let's face it....I am sure many of our close friends have some sort of similar qualities - I mean those really close friends. When I think of my close friends.....I have found that I am typically closer to those that are "NF" on the Myers-Briggs......especially "INF".....but definitely a few "ENF". Yes, I know, leave it to me to equate everything to the MBTI. It is not like I "seek" those people out.....I just think that for some reason......I naturally become closer to those types of personalities. ;-) It is just easy.....sometimes more of a connection......
But I have met some people over the last year or so....that are a bit out of the my "normal" friendships. Truth is....I am so thankful for the so many friendships that I have. I don't necessarily see everyone as much as I would like.....but am thankful that I know if or should I need something, I could call someone. I am thankful for the diversity in personalities that are a part of my life right now in my friends. I have been experiencing so many different things over the last few months personally.....and am thankful for some of the fun people I am able to spend time with...that help me feel normal and make me laugh......
I am also thankful for those friendships that I have had for quite a while. I am not going to name any names......but I am sooo thankful for those friendships that I have had for quite a while and one in particular.....I have been able to go even deeper with lately. I love depth......Okay, I shall name names......love you Gen! Depth in friendships and people are so important to me. I love you Girlie!! And though we have known each other for at least 18 years.......you have been such a great friend lately!!!
Of course, as stated earlier.....I am also thankful for my other friends....where it doesn't have to always be about deep conversations.....but those you are able to go out with, share, enjoy a few drinks and have some fun. I feel so blessed.
There is also another person that has entered my life in the last 4 or so months. Someone I am thankful for.....and have been able to talk to....and feel comfortable talking to her. As of lately, it has been a bit more difficult for me to share about myself in many of my friendships....as I feel selfish. I like to be the listener, the empathizer, the helper, the encourager. I am thankful for these qualities in myself as I truly care about people.......but so many times I feel selfish to even begin to talk about myself....and to be honest, for some strange and unknown reason I have found it hard to talk about myself at all (but yet I am a verbal processor). I feel I am a pretty open book, but lately, unless someone asks me questions......I have not really been openly sharing about myself....not that I don't relate on the "surface" level to many...but not the "depth level" (and I have noticed about myself.....that I have also been avoiding sometimes when people do actually ask me questions - haven't quite figured out why.....as this is not really me). Yes, the last 6-9 months have been a bit different for me. But anyway....back to to the beginning of this paragraph, I am thankful for "this person" that came into my life about 4 months ago! ;-) Thank you for being caring....and truly caring about me and being a good listener! ;-) I know this is just naturally who YOU are, but I am thankful for that.
But anyway.......I know most people probably can't relate to this post. But I write all of this just to stay how thankful I am for people that have been placed in my life. I am so thankful for so many of the friendships I have for so many different reasons! I love you all!!! Thank goodness for fate and diversity in people (personalities/qualities)! And in typical Amy fashion......sending HUGS to each and every one of you......wish I could do it in person!!! ;-)
However, over the last few days I have really been thinking about people.....relationships.....and the importance of certain people in your life at certain times. As I am sure you can tell if you read this blog, relationships are important to me. But lately I have been kinda reflecting even more (yes, big surprise for those that know me). I have been thinking about my friendships....the kind of people I am more "attracted" to....because let's face it....I am sure many of our close friends have some sort of similar qualities - I mean those really close friends. When I think of my close friends.....I have found that I am typically closer to those that are "NF" on the Myers-Briggs......especially "INF".....but definitely a few "ENF". Yes, I know, leave it to me to equate everything to the MBTI. It is not like I "seek" those people out.....I just think that for some reason......I naturally become closer to those types of personalities. ;-) It is just easy.....sometimes more of a connection......
But I have met some people over the last year or so....that are a bit out of the my "normal" friendships. Truth is....I am so thankful for the so many friendships that I have. I don't necessarily see everyone as much as I would like.....but am thankful that I know if or should I need something, I could call someone. I am thankful for the diversity in personalities that are a part of my life right now in my friends. I have been experiencing so many different things over the last few months personally.....and am thankful for some of the fun people I am able to spend time with...that help me feel normal and make me laugh......
I am also thankful for those friendships that I have had for quite a while. I am not going to name any names......but I am sooo thankful for those friendships that I have had for quite a while and one in particular.....I have been able to go even deeper with lately. I love depth......Okay, I shall name names......love you Gen! Depth in friendships and people are so important to me. I love you Girlie!! And though we have known each other for at least 18 years.......you have been such a great friend lately!!!
Of course, as stated earlier.....I am also thankful for my other friends....where it doesn't have to always be about deep conversations.....but those you are able to go out with, share, enjoy a few drinks and have some fun. I feel so blessed.
There is also another person that has entered my life in the last 4 or so months. Someone I am thankful for.....and have been able to talk to....and feel comfortable talking to her. As of lately, it has been a bit more difficult for me to share about myself in many of my friendships....as I feel selfish. I like to be the listener, the empathizer, the helper, the encourager. I am thankful for these qualities in myself as I truly care about people.......but so many times I feel selfish to even begin to talk about myself....and to be honest, for some strange and unknown reason I have found it hard to talk about myself at all (but yet I am a verbal processor). I feel I am a pretty open book, but lately, unless someone asks me questions......I have not really been openly sharing about myself....not that I don't relate on the "surface" level to many...but not the "depth level" (and I have noticed about myself.....that I have also been avoiding sometimes when people do actually ask me questions - haven't quite figured out why.....as this is not really me). Yes, the last 6-9 months have been a bit different for me. But anyway....back to to the beginning of this paragraph, I am thankful for "this person" that came into my life about 4 months ago! ;-) Thank you for being caring....and truly caring about me and being a good listener! ;-) I know this is just naturally who YOU are, but I am thankful for that.
But anyway.......I know most people probably can't relate to this post. But I write all of this just to stay how thankful I am for people that have been placed in my life. I am so thankful for so many of the friendships I have for so many different reasons! I love you all!!! Thank goodness for fate and diversity in people (personalities/qualities)! And in typical Amy fashion......sending HUGS to each and every one of you......wish I could do it in person!!! ;-)
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
A few quotes that touched my heart today.....
Out Of a great need We are all holding hands And climbing. Not loving is a letting go. Listen, The terrain around here Is Far too Dangerous For That. ~Hafiz
***Love this concept......want to see it lived out.......
"I have learned to use the word 'impossible' with the greatest caution." Wernher Magnus Maximilian von Braun
***I long to live out this quote.....sometimes I meet "special" people that give me a glimmer of hope into this possibility........
It is not length of life, but depth of life. -Ralph Waldo Emerson
***This I couldn't agree more with.......I love deep people that share true feelings...and their true sincere colors!
From a friend's blog............love it.....
why no umbrellas? because too often, we hide from things that will not hurt us
***Oh, how true this is........Thanks Linds!
***Love this concept......want to see it lived out.......
"I have learned to use the word 'impossible' with the greatest caution." Wernher Magnus Maximilian von Braun
***I long to live out this quote.....sometimes I meet "special" people that give me a glimmer of hope into this possibility........
It is not length of life, but depth of life. -Ralph Waldo Emerson
***This I couldn't agree more with.......I love deep people that share true feelings...and their true sincere colors!
From a friend's blog............love it.....
why no umbrellas? because too often, we hide from things that will not hurt us
***Oh, how true this is........Thanks Linds!
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Why?
Why must life be so hard (and I am not talking about for myself)? Why must there be pain? Why must there be hurt? Why must there be suffering?? Life just isn't fair. I know, not that anyone said it would be........but gosh darn it........it really is not fair.
I hate to see those I love and care about suffer. I wish I could just take it away from them.......I just wish they didn't have to experience it.......
I wish that I could be numb........yes.....selfishly........I want to be numb.....I am tired of watching so much horribleness go on around me......I am ready to be a strong and supportive tower......person for others, but yet not envelop the pain upon myself too. How can I do that? Oh, how I wish I had the answer.........
I hate to see those I love and care about suffer. I wish I could just take it away from them.......I just wish they didn't have to experience it.......
I wish that I could be numb........yes.....selfishly........I want to be numb.....I am tired of watching so much horribleness go on around me......I am ready to be a strong and supportive tower......person for others, but yet not envelop the pain upon myself too. How can I do that? Oh, how I wish I had the answer.........
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