Connection......

I have not felt much like blogging lately, actually I take that back. I have felt like blogging lately.....but figure some of the topics I have blogged or wanted to blog were too vulnerable or not as positive as I have wanted them to be. As I usually like to be a pretty positive person, so I have either not written them.....or written them and then deleted them.

However, lately I have had this deep need for connection. I do not think I can fully explain it, nor do I completely understand it. Sure, I know that I am a person that loves to spend time with others, invest in others and relate to others. But lately I have felt a bit exhausted and know I haven't been able to do that the way that I want to (myself invest in others). I normally seek people out.....and love to listen to them. I do not necessarily give advice......because who am I to give advice......but I try to empathize or encourage. I hate that lately I have felt depleted in being able to do this.

However, I have been contemplating over the last month or so how much I LONG for connection. Sure, I like to connect with others on a more surface level......listening, sharing common interests. But for some reason I have this deep innate "need" to truly connect lately. I do not know with whom....entirely........ Sure, I know the sort of friends I may seek out with certain personality characteristics that make it more easy for me to actually share. But I just have been longing to connect.....and haven't been able to yet......

I am sure that this makes no sense, because clearly I do not have it all figured out. I am not sure why I have such a need for a deep connection (though of course, I have analyzed some theories)....maybe it kinda goes back to the first post of this blog. I want to truly be known........but I say that with hesitation now because I certainly don't want to truly be known by everyone......as I have been more reserved lately with what I share. I kinda feel like parts of me are shutting down emotionally due to certain life circumstances lately. But yet, I still have such a deep desire.....almost a deep pain in my heart to have a true and nice connecting session with someone. Something that will continue...........

I wonder if anyone else ever feels this way?????