I love Autumn!

I love Autumn!  This is absolutely my favorite season of the year.  My favorite use to be Summer, but our Summers in Ohio are soooo long and humid that Fall has turned into my favorite season.  Now, don't get me wrong. I still love Summer.....I enjoy the sun and all of the outdoor activities you can do.  But there is just something about Fall.  Of course, the beauty would be what I love the most. I love, love, love seeing the leaves change on the trees.  There are so many beautiful colors represented as I walk, drive and jog through my neighborhood.  I am just thankful to be able to see this beauty.  I also think that Autumn just has this certain smell.  I can't explain it.... and yes.....I am kinda "funny" about smells.  There is just this nice "Autumny" crisp smell in the air.  And of course, I LOVE the smell of pumpkin candles.  I just plain love pumpkin anything.  I think pumpkins themselves are cute, but I also like anything made with pumpkin. I could eat it all year around.  The thought of a pumpkin roll, pumpkin spice latte, pumpkin pie.....all of it just brings a smile to my face. 

Unfortunately, I haven't allowed myself to enjoy Autumn quite as much this year.  I have been a bit ambivalent about many things lately. I didn't decorate around our house until a week or so ago, and even waited until the morning of, to buy trick-or-treat candy.  But regardless, it doesn't take away from the love in my heart that I have for Autumn. 

We are going to my friend Michele's annual Halloween Party tonight.  It should be fun. I haven't seen her since early August, so it will be great to see her again.  Not to mention, I have a silly costume AND I am bringing some amazing Dogfish Head Punkin' Ale, which I found out I adored last weekend while dining at the Winkin Lizard. 

Just taking a second to reflect upon my love for Autumn......and the peace that I typically think that it brings....even if it hasn't quite done that for me this year.  I still completely love it!! ;-)  Here is a picture to show my appreciation for this season.....

Me lovin' on my pumpkin!!! ;-)

Am I currently an Introvert???

I have been contemplating and self-reflecting quite a bit over the last few weeks. However, that is not a surprise because I constantly want to understand myself so that I can be a better person and be aware of my surroundings and how I am impacting people around me. I truly want to grow not only professionally (the usual), but I also greatly want to grow personally and I hope that this desire never falters.


However, anyway, as many of you know, I L-O-V-E the MBTI (Myers-Briggs Type Indicator). I was first introduced to it as a RA at Malone College (well now University) in Canton. I was sooooo incredibly happy to be chosen as a Resident Assistant and couldn't wait to live on a floor, foster a community, plan events, connect people and truly invest in others. It was a dream come true! I TRULY TRULY believe in community. I had such an amazing experience serving as a RA at Malone, I might add.....and still keep in contact of many of the wonderful woman that lived on my floor that year (thanks to Facebook). They were soooooo much fun. They were a rowdy, fun and a loud bunch......so once quiet hours began.....they knew to take off running of they heard my door open. It was an on-going joke. Oh, they were so fun. But anyway, this was when I was first introduced to truly understanding myself via the MBTI. I think that I did actually begin this journey when I became friends with Steph my freshmen year at Malone (our first day). We just had this instant connection.....one that I cannot understand and doubt will ever happen to me again in my lifetime. It was such a blessing.....and we were so fortunate to be in each other lives for quite a long time, including serving as RDs at Ashland University together for 2 years, (something I will always be forever thankful for - our time of self-reflection and discovery together). But anyway.......being completely open and honest with her.....someone who cared about people, was intuitive and wise......this was able to help me process and understand myself. Then comes this MBTI.....I didn't necessarily "buy into it" at the time.....I was 21......but yet, did notice that the results did parallel my personality fairly well.


It wasn't until I became a Residence Director at Ashland University (right out of undergrad), that we used this in our RD and RA training. I FELL IN LOVE as it really helped me to understand myself.....my strengths, my weaknesses, my abilities.....my limitations....why "I am the way that I am"!!! Oh wow.....how nice is this. My personality is neither right nor wrong.......it is just "who I am"!!! I am unique, just as others are unique and have differences......and the goal in this life (or at least in my life) is to bring about harmony in the midst. Helping one another to understand our differences....appreciate them.....bring about harmony (as much as possible, and if that person is mature enough) and then move-on.......


Yep, I was a VERY strong ESFJ.......which of course, has its good and bad aspects! I think it worked fairly well while working in Res Life.....as I enjoyed being with people, caring for people and was pretty organized. Now, I would depend on others to help me think big-picture and brainstorm holistically about how we can help students...... Now, my experience at SPU was a bit difference, I felt that the "S" aspect of my personality held me back a bit.....it was just a little different there. In my opinion, the "N" aspect of the personality was valued a bit more......they were all very talented in thinking big picture. So, I did feel a bit insecure in that aspect.....but still learned a lot through it, and loved my colleagues at SPU.


However, I must say that in an interview, if anyone knows anything about the MBTI......they pretty much guessed my type immediately (happened to me more than once).......so clearly I am fairly transparent. I suppose that is okay....... I certainly aim to be genuine.......


Now......I come to the main thought and intention of this blog. Over the last few weeks-month......I have noticed myself "shying" away from some social opportunities. I am always "usually" the first to "jump" at any social opportunity.....and I do have a diverse amount of friends.....so can stay fairly busy. But......and it has nothing to do with them.......but I have had hardly any energy to invest in important people in my life....which SUCKS. I care about my friends and those in my life.....and have still been able to spend time....and listen.....but no I don't have much energy to put forth (aka....not sharing much about me). Recently I have noticed myself turning down some social opportunities....which 1. makes me feel bad to do this to them (yep I am a people-pleaser) and 2. makes me not understand myself, because turning down a social opportunity is not like me. I am not even sure the last time I really initiated a social outing....other than the Nickelback outing with my siblings......


To many people, this may not seem like a big deal, but I notice that it is not the "usual me"....I am an extrovert that ALWAYS wants to be around people (that is how I gain my energy). I am certainly still a talker.....and LOVE my job and the people I work with...so have no problem interacting and being social........


But then I started to reflect when was the last time this happened to me (feeling more introverted)......since you know I am an "E" on the MBTI......have I "ever" not operated like an "I"?? Yep, it happened when I lived in Seattle. I remember John's suicide, my Grandpa being diagnosed with cancer, living far from friends and family, starting a new job......really caused me to operate more like an introvert (I am sure due to being emotionally exhausted and depleted). Now, don't get me wrong....there is NOTHING wrong with this, but whenever I notice myself doing something a bit out of the "typical Amy" I begin to ponder and reflect.
So.....what is going on with me.......I kinda "think" right now....do to some circumstances......I am definitely an emotional introvert......feeling depleted emotionally. I don't really share how I truly feel about "stuff" with anyone........so I think that part of me is much more introspective and introverted (which is sooooo bizarre to me.....not typically me - but that is okay). However, I also think that I may be a "tiny" bit of a social introvert right now too......as sometimes it has been hard for me to muster the energy to go to some social events as of recent. Now of course, as soon as I get there I always have a good time, because lets face it......I am/can be loud and do enjoy laughing, talking and visiting with others......


So anyway.......no answers......just a reflection...... I know that the MBTI gurus say your "type" doesn't change (well unless you are on the fence in some of the categories.....but I really am not). But I must say from personal experience, depending on what you are experiencing in your personal life.......you may begin to take on the "form" of another type (I truly believe this....because I trust my personal experience). I don't think this will last forever.....but definitely for the time being.......
Hmmmmm......... ;-)
 
Of course.....a little picture from PostSecret:

Do YOU Want to Make a Difference?

I DO!!!!!   A resounding gong should have "gonged" after that statement! ;-)  I sit here reading some different news articles on CNN and am reminded about how in this life I just really really want to make a difference in the lives of others.  Is that selfish??  Who knows.......  I am faaarrrrrr from perfect, but I think that I have a decently good heart, and just want so much for those around me - especially those I truly care about.  However, I so often get caught up in the mundane day-to-day things and forget about what really matters - OTHERS!!!! 

I still don't know how to truly make a difference in the lives of those around me......  I hope that my subtle acts do.....whether that be a smile, an encouraging word, an encouraging card (those only come every once and a while.....sorry), or just being there to listen when need be.  But I want to be able to give more!!!  I just have such a deep yearning to truly help people.  I can't even completely explain it in words. 

Yet, sometimes I feel so helpless and overwhelmed at the thought.....  How am I able to do this?  In what ways can I make a difference?  Does it need to be in my daily occupation?  Does it need to be in some volunteer opportunity (which I rarely do), or is it right in front of my face?

I don't think this is the only way that I will "hopefully" help others one day.....but I do want to somehow become involved in suicide prevention, perhaps a hotline?  Though, I don't know that I will EVER be strong enough to do that having dealt with it first hand (with my stepdad).  That really makes me feel like such a wimp because I do have such a heart for helping others in need, but I don't think I could be strong enough to help them in their greatest time of weakness......  Now how selfish is that?  Granted, I had a few issues (suicidal students) I dealt with while working in Residence Life......but that was back in 2005.  But tonight I read about two different suicide cases.  My heart just hurts DEEPLY.  But I feel like in these two particular situations, and in my stepdad's suicide.......I don't think they even thought of asking for help.  So.....yes, there are hotlines available which are such a blessing......but what about those that will never even think of utilizing them???  How can we, how can "I" reach out to these broken hearts(perhaps just education)?  I just hate hurt......and really hate to think of others hurting.......

But I really don't think that is the only way I can make a difference (suicide prevention)......the only way I can help others.....but yet I haven't been able to figure out how to put this into practice (helping others in some way)....to truly make a difference. And again, maybe I think tooooo hard and am making it too hard on myself.  Of course, I LOVE postsecret........so a few examples of some of my thoughts (being the visual person I am)............

For example.....I want "this girl" and every girl or boy like her to know that they are perfect!!  Of course we all fall short....but we are all given gifts, strengths and abilities that can be used for the good!  I would want to encourage her to look at perfection differently...........SHE is special!!!!

For this person.....oh my heart aches!!  I would hate to think I couldn't be myself.....or to know I would be judged by those I love. I mean of course there are always aspects of ourselves we keep hidden.....but this is such a huge part of this person's life....it makes me sad that he/she would be unaccepted because of "who she/he is".......we need to throw out the judgemental mentality and LOVE others and be accepting!!!!!!  HUGS to this person!!!

Of course, I am sure this person is talking about a romantic relationship......but I also interpret this as.....HEY sometimes WE ALL need hugs!!!!  I wish that hugs were given and accepted more often (I truly think it would help others feel cared about)!!  I LOVE HUGS and think they can really make you feel special!!!!  If applicable........HUG AWAY!!!  Let others know you care!

Finally, from this loooong blog.....in which I do want to find a way to make a difference in the lives of others, I found this picture......and perhaps I should figure out how I am to help people - making that a goal today....like this person did:

My sentiments EXACTLY!!!!!

Oh how my heart longs to help others..............