Empathy......People Pleasing.......blogging some frustrations.....

So, I have often had this love-hate relationship with this "empathy" ability that I possess.  At times I am thankful, in hopes I can listen and comfort those in need.  However, other times it is soooooooooo hard because I allow others to impact me way too much.  Though, maybe that really isn't what is suppose to happen with empathy, maybe I just don't know how to control this emotion/ability (if that is what you would call it).

I was trying to search for some quotes that helped evoke some emotion and or thought to explain what I am thinking/feeling........here is one:

"Tenderness and kindness are not signs of weakness and despair, but manifestations of strength and resolution." ~Kahlil Gibran

Unfortunately........I don't always feel this way (i.e. weakness).  Sure, sometimes I am thankful in that I hope to be able to show some people.....maybe even those that others do not show that kindness to (i.e. others don't think these people deserve comfort), because I am able to "feel" the emotions that they are feeling.  I often find it a bit "freakish" that I am able to take on their emotions even if I haven't experienced their particular situation.  Sure, it can be exhausting at times, but again, I love to help people and if me being able to somewhat "feel" what they are feeling......I hope that I can provide comfort.

But on the flip-side, there are times I hate feeling and worrying about others.  I hate when I can witness that some people are not happy......because then it can ruin how I feel.  Perhaps what I am saying is a bit different than empathy.  But I do not like to see someone upset.....even if it has nothing to do with me.  I guess perhaps it comes back to this entire people-pleasing aspect of myself that I sooooooooo wish I could get rid of.  So often, if someone is trying to be hurtful........I just want to be able to say "who cares"........I will not allow their unhappiness to impact me (especially if it is not my fault), but I am not able to do this.  So, I somewhat think this is partially my empathy because I know that someone is upset........and I cannot fix it.  ughhhhh  Please let me preface, when talking about this paragraph, I am talking about someone that may be unhappy for no reason.....someone I am close to, that perhaps may just want my attention.  Of course, for the most part I am always here to help others.....but I have come to notice, that (maybe subconsciously) people know I am impacted by the way they are feeling so they use this to their advantage......to get my attention.....(or at least this is how I feel).

So, of course, one other quote:

"When you listen with empathy to another person, you give that person psychological air."  ~Stephen R. Covey

This particular quote shows who I do like (well most of the time) to use my empathetic ability.  I like to be there, to listen and to help others........  It is nice to listen to someone in times of need.......and I hope that my tenderness and kindness (as listed in the quote above) is a comfort to them during whatever they are experiencing......

I just need to learn how to listen and empathize, but not worry about taking on others emotions to the detriment of myself.......and I need to learn to not always worry about damn people-pleasing.........

Phewwwww......okay, feel a tiny bit better getting that out.  ;-)