Last night I got to see my stepsister, Heather. Yes, I still call her my stepsister even though her dad and my mom divorced 9 years ago. Wow, 9 years......that is so hard to believe. However, I grew up with her as a child. I would see her every other weekend from the age of 7 to 22 (minus when I was away at college during the year). We were sharing many different memories last night. She has turned into such a beautiful young lady. As I sat across the table from her last night.....it just brought back so many memories. She doesn't seem old enough to have 2 adorable children now. I mean she is about to turn 28, but still. As I get older I have just become more and more thankful for my siblings. I am thankful that Shane, Abby and I have gotten closer. We have made it through a lot together.
Yesterday afternoon I felt some anxiety coming about (that is not unusual, of course....often a daily occurrence). At times there are reasons, and other times there are not as to why I am anxious. However, I did try to reflect to determine if there was a reason for this anxiety. And as I reflected.......I was wondering if part of it was the fact that seeing Heather tonight would make me think a bit more about John....his suicide.....growing up with him...... Don't get me wrong, I couldn't wait to see Heather. I had not seen her for almost 2 years, we have only kept in contact via email. But yet, the reality is.....she, my sister Abby and I were there through all of the chaos after John's suicide. I think we shall forever be bonded in a different sort of way. Of course, we always will, as I still consider her my sister, and of course, Abby is my sister.......but this bonding is different.......
I never brought up anything about the suicide last night.....as typically I am not one to share as of recent (but yet that hurt is still there for me in the pit of my stomach). We did share some silly stories about how we would tease my younger sister.....by holding her down and tickling her.....and we would get her to hit her head on the wall......too funny. Poor Abby being the youngest. But there was something fun and serene about being together.
Every Sunday I read this website called PostSecret. It started out as a suicide prevention site. For some reason I love this site. This week's postings were not as big as some week's.......but it gives you a glimpse into other's hearts.....their secrets....their pain......things they feel they cannot share with others. Although I like this site, it makes me sad that many feel so judged in this world that they must keep things bottled up.....that they have no one to turn to.....that suicide or self harm or sending someone else their secret is all they have left. I mean don't get me wrong, if sending their secret to this site gives them freedom, then by all means keep them coming. But anyway, my heart often pains each week I read these stories...... http://www.postsecret.com/2010/06/sunday-secrets_13.html
I have had some struggles/difficulties as of recently.....and I just want to say thank you to my good friend Genny for being such a great, supportive and non-judgemental friend - I love you!
So, in typically photo Amy fashion......some photos -
****My sister Ab, brother Shane, stepsister Heather and ME - all four of us!! Horray
***Heather, Me and Abby!!!!
***My best friend Genny (in the middle) and Heather! Thank you "G" for everything!
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