I left the office in complete disbelief. I will never forget that walk to the car....feeling so confused and foggy..... I remember just sitting in my car for a few minutes.......where do I begin? Do I call Matt right now? No, I don't want to tell him over the phone. Should I call and talk to a friend? How do I talk about this? And most of all, many people have had cancer in my family. Thankfully my brother is a survivor, but I have also lost people to cancer. So, knowing that it is prevalent in my family is what made me most nervous about the lump. All I could do was wait until they called me the next day with my mammogram and ultrasound appointment.
They couldn't get me in for almost a month! I could not believe it! OSU just opened a new "James Cancer Comprehensive Breast Center" and since I need a mammogram AND ultrasound done, they needed to do it at the same time and this was the only location. I had to wait for a month!!! But there was so much going in with our families that I stayed pretty distracted over the next month. I didn't really tell anyone, except a couple of close friends and immediate family members.
So, I was trudging along through May...not doing too bad. Then on May 14, we ran our yearly "Race for the Cure". I did this with my brother and husband (this was the 4th year in a row). And I was still doing okay, but then as I stood in the race line with thousands of people and survivors, and I listened to them talk about breast cancer over the speakers.....it dawned on me - Holy Sh*t......I have to get a lump looked at in my breast on Monday!! I have to get a mammogram and ultrasound on my breast at the age of 31! I "could" have cancer (that dreaded "c" word)!! I did begin to cry at this point. I think it felt good to let a little of it out, but definitely not at a good time. Thankfully it was a quick cry. ;-)
Then came Monday morning.....time for the mammogram and ultrasound. The initial mammogram wasn't too bad. But then they have you go out and wait for the Radiologist to look at the results. So, there I sit in the waiting room, in my little white robe with quite a few other women. As I look at these women I realize I am the only "young" person in here. That was a bit scary. Then they called me back in for another mammogram as the Radiologist wanted more pictures. This made me nervous, and you could see the spots on the screen they were trying to capture. After the second mammogram I sat again in the waiting area. Then came the ultrasound. As I was going into the ultrasound room the Sonographer told me they were watching a spot in my left breast AND my lymph nodes. This made me freak out internally. I was soooo dang scared as I knew enough about cancer that looking at my lymph nodes is not a good thing. That darn ultrasound lasted forever.....or at least it seemed to. I asked her if I would know the results today, and she said yes. So, after it was finally finished I waited in the room for a few minutes. She came back in and said........everything is fine. She told that there is a spot on my left breast that the Radiologist wants to monitor and that I will be coming in for mammograms every 6 months for a while. So, that was good news....but it was bittersweet because I am not entirely out of the dark as I have to come back in November, but I am fine for now.
Of course, I am sensitive to cancer period. But now I am a bit more sensitive to breast cancer. Today I read the following article on cnn - http://www.cnn.com/2011/US/08/04/cnnheroes.cantwell.breast.cancer/index.html?hpt=hp_t2 . It is a fantastic article.....but I did cry through most of it. I am thankful that is not me, but my heart goes out to these women (and men). I also think this organization is pretty amazing - http://pinkdaisyproject.com/ . Definitely an organization I would like to make a donation to. I give props to this woman for paying it forward - what an amazing vision and gift to people.
Here is a picture from the Race in May
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