Goodbye Great Grandma Ruth......

Well, it has been a few weeks since I have blogged.....as I have been pretty emotionally exhausted....and there has not been not much left in me. But today we buried my Great Grandmother. As stated in a previous post, she was diagnosed with bone cancer in December. The last few weeks have been pretty rough. However, I am so thankful for the time I have been able to spend with her in the nursing home over the last few months. I am grateful to have been able to go fairly often. I still remember about 3-4 weeks ago sitting there, just her and I visiting. :-) I am thankful for this time, as I did not get as much time with her son, my Grandpa (Ike) before he died of cancer. So, I kinda felt like I came full circle being able to spend more time with her......even though I wasn't able to spend as much with her son due to being across the country (in a weird way it felt like redemption....but that is not the only reason or why I spent time with Grandma). Granted for me (selfishly), it was very draining seeing her suffer so greatly at the end. I still feel so bitter about cancer and bitter about the way her life had to end.....but am very thankful she is no longer feeling any pain....so very thankful for that.

Just thought I would post a few thoughts......as I know I will probably not be able to verbalize much since many people (understandably....but somewhat hard for me) don't like to talk about death. But even in the midst of this great loss, it was nice to spend time with my family. I am especially thankful for my brother and sister........I am so very thankful for how much closer we are. I love them so much. It was also nice to spend time with extended family. We went out to a yummy Mexican restaurant in Bellefontaine after the viewing on Sunday......and it was a lot of fun and there were a lot of laughs. This was very nice and refreshing. I, of course, had my camera so got a lot of great pictures. I am soooooo very thankful for these pictures....I love pictures......to help me remember those memories....those feelings in that moment.

I am also thankful for my couple of friends that came to the viewing, this meant SO MUCH TO ME - love you both!!! I am also thankful that some of my Dad's family came....even though it was a loss on my Mom's side.

Today was much harder than I thought it would be. Hard to see so many people grieving. Hard to see my Aunt (whom is my age), and my Uncle (whom is 35), sad......as they have lost both parents (my Grandpa Ike (Ruth's son), and step-Grandma Norma) to this horrible disease.....and now their Grandma. To see their pain made me pain so much more for them - I love you both! To see my sister cry.....who isn't as emotional as me.....made me cry too. I know, I am a bit too much of an empath. But I too, was sad......I mean I am happy, SO VERY HAPPY she is no longer suffering, as this past week was very draining and hard to see. But sad to officially say goodbye.....to say goodbye to my last Great Grandma. I was thankful that I knew EVERY one of my Great Grandmas!!! This morning my Grandpa Dowell pointed out that when I was very young I had 8 grandma's at a birthday party for me. I had 1 great, great grandma, 4 great grandmas, and 3 other grandmas (including my step-grandma....but I called her grandma). Oh, how fortunate I was. Now I only have two grandma's remaining.....but I am very thankful for them.

So......all of this to say......goodbye Great Grandma Ruth! You were a terrific lady whom loved so many and was loved by so many. You will be greatly missed by a lot of people. Here are a few pictures in memory of you!

The first picture is of Me and Shane with Grandma in early January 2010
The second picture is of the twins with Grandma in early January 2010
The third picture is of Ab and I with Grandma in a later January 2010
The fourth picture is of Ike's (my Grandpa - her son's) kids in later January 2010