Vulnerability.........

One definition (according to dictionary.com) of vulnerable is....."capable of or susceptible to being wounded or hurt." I find this very interesting, as I have never looked up the actual definition, but instead, infer my own definition. Of course, I am more referring to making oneself vulnerable in relationships. Yep, relationships....what I am all about.

I have been thinking about this word a bit over the last few weeks. I think that in authentic relationships, there is a need.....it is a must to eventually allow yourself to be vulnerable. I mean how else do you expect to build a deep relationship? However, I do realize, that for whatever reason, many find this difficult. Hell, I have been finding this concept a bit difficult lately (in all honesty).

I myself am a pretty open person. If you want to know something about me....or want my thoughts on a topic....especially if I have experienced it, I am usually more than willing to share. I enjoy learning about others and learning about myself from sharing and receiving feedback. But lately, I have been thinking that I am not quite as open as I originally had thought. Yes, I am sure to most people my "openness" would be considered VERY open, as most people tend to have their guard up most of the time. However, even with what I share (in my openness)....there is usually something deeper to the topic I am not sharing. So, I still have a guard up even if I do appear open. Then I wonder.......why has this been bothering me lately?

Even though I really have not shared anything in this blog that I probably wouldn't talk about with the average person.....for some reason this week I started feeling like I have allowed myself to be a bit too vulnerable in my blog (though probably only about 5 people read it - ha). I even thought about deleting it. I actually did go back and delete a few entries...... And of course there are many things I choose not to blog about for this very reason. But.....why is this "vulnerability - or lack thereof" all of the sudden bothering me as of lately? Even as I type this.....I feel a bit uncomfortable.

Well, I certainly do not have the answer to the questions I am currently pondering about myself... :-) But instead, have just been reflecting. I have also been thinking about how thankful I am for those relationships where it is easy and natural to be vulnerable. I often like to look back over my short life thus far and think about what has strengthened me and helped me to get to where I am today. When I really "get down to it"......it has been those couple of CLOSE relationships over the years....those relationships where it was/is natural to be vulnerable. These relationships/friendships have helped get me to where I am today. Perhaps that is why I like the thought of being vulnerable....because when I chose to be truly vulnerable I have truly blossomed from it (thankfully choosing the couple of appropriate people/friends). Of course, I am not saying that we need to be vulnerable (truly vulnerable) in every friendship that we have, but hopefully there are small aspects of our lives in which we are able to. But instead, treasure those miracle friendships that come along every once in while (and hopefully remain)......allow yourself to be vulnerable with these people that you trust. Allow yourself to learn from one another. Perhaps I am challenging myself right now too. :-)

Every once in a while.....allow yourself to be "capable of or susceptible to being wounded or hurt".... you never know what you might gain from doing this.