Comforting......

So, as I was reflecting this morning, I was thinking about how thankful I am for this blog. It is funny because I know very few read it (which is fine, and honestly, preferable), but it has really been a comfort to me as of recently (which as I have stated many times, I think is strange coming from an extrovert). I feel that I am able to get some thoughts and feelings out on "paper" that I do not want to bother others with (i.e. talking about.....though I would sooooo prefer to talk and analyze with someone, but don't at all want to be a bother).

I think this blog has helped me somewhat to be the "typical" Amy people are use to. It gives me strength to get "some stuff out"........gain a "little" energy to put forth for others. Sure, there are still plenty of times where I have to put on the happy face that everyone expects, though I may not be feeling it inside......but hey......I can't help it....I am a people pleaser and making others happy is more important to me.

It has been a VERY busy last 4 or so months, socially (which is great, I love to be social....and often set stuff up), but it has also left me feeling exhausted at times.......needing a day of downtime (which is unusal for me.....usually I can go, go, go). For example yesterday, I had no energy to do anything until I had to get ready to go to a friend's house to play Bunko (ummmm....that means not showering until 4:15 - ha). I wasn't even sure I would be able to muster up the energy for that (go to Bunko).....but I did thankfully, and it was FUN. Granted.....this could be also partially do to my return from Vegas and the jetlag. ;-)

But it is somewhat freeing to be able to type in this blog........I am not that strong internally as of recent......I get exhausted and don't always feel I can be my "typical and usual" self. However, I do find ways to re-energizer (or at least try), because bringing smiles to others faces is what is more important to me. Thus, if I can get "some of it out" in this blog (nothing too deep), then so be it.

This morning I was reading one of the Postsecret books. Yes, I know I have mentioned this website/books, etc. a few times in my blogs. It is soooooooo interesting to me that people feel they must keep secrets, or that some of the secrets they share on these postcards they do consider secrets.....that they cannot tell others. At times I find these secrets interesting, freeing, humbling, painful, happy and downright sad (I cried this morning over one --probably a few--of them). But anyway, it really got me thinking about myself......I really do not think I have any secrets that at least one person doesn't know. Sure, I am pretty open, but I have tact and know what to share when (for the most part). But honestly, maybe I am boring.........but I think I just talk openly about my feelings and am a pretty honest person (not saying any of these people that send in secrets are not honest). Not sure if this is good or bad..... But I do not think I could keep a secret inside that I couldn't tell at least someone.....some close friend/husband. I think I would burst. ;-)

But I do think that the "mask" I have to put on from time to time recently (acting totally happy and fine when deep inside I am not), is somewhat a secret (because MOST ----actually virtually all people have no idea I am doing this). But at the same time, I am pretty open with admitting I am a people pleaser......thus if I need to do something to keep harmony or make someone else feel better, I will.

This particular postcard touched me this morning........"I've put off telling my mother that I am depressed and need help........cause I'm afraid she'd be angry that I am not the perfect daughter she thinks I am...."

This secret made me cry......"My wife loves me. After 25 years, I've finally realized that is the only reason I love her. It's not enough reason to stay and not enough reason to leave."

I will leave you with one other touching "secret"....."I have a void that can't be filled. (not even by you)."

As much as I want to tell all of these people (in these books) to be themselves.....feel free....don't feel judged, I know that is a bit hypocritical of me right now.....considering.....I have been "faking it" at times lately, which is the complete opposite of what I value in people.

But boy.....how I long to help these people......to be that one person to listen, to tell them they are normal, that their secret is okay.....that if they want to do something about it......figure out what is best for THEM..........oh how I wish I COULD HELP! ;-)

Thank you "my blog" for being my comfort as of recent!!!! ;-)